shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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