New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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