another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
