I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
