remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
