God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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