i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
