Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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