When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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