he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
