its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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