did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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