I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
