He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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