do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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