i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
