Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
