I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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