i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
