My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
