God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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