Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize