God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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