Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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