you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
