I'm retarded. Again.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful