So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion