Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes