I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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