Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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