dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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