There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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