My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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