One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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