no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
