When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
