when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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