Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
