Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this just has baby written all over it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
