On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
