I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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