Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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