textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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