dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
