Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
