I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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