I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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