can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
