she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
