Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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