Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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