I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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