where am i from again
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
