Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
