the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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