Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Randomize
