its not stalking. its research.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
