i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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