I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
