god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
