omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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