i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
