my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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