Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
