Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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