i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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