Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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