You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
