We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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