i think my mom watched the whole time
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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