I cut my penus on the lid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize