woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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